Marriage works best where two whole and complete people come together for the sole purpose of loving each other, not "completing" each other. My goals for having a better marriage include:
FOCUS ON HIS STRENGTHS:
- Make lists of the things I love about David
- Intentionally choose thoughts about him which drive feelings of love
- Speak only of his strengths to others
BE HIS FRIEND--we got married because we were best friends. Somewhere along the way, I'm embarrassed to say, we stopped intentionally nurturing that friendship. Friends come and go in my life. The only way to ensure we stay friends and stay together is to intentionally be his friend.
- Plan things we love to do together
- Plan dates and treat them as a priority.
- Make time when he gets home to be excited he is home and ask about his day
- Treat him with love and kindness--ie be proud of the way I TREAT HIM
- Make time when he invites me to do something when I can
NUTURE OUR INTIMATE LIFE--the main difference between my relationshp with my spouse and others is the intimacy we share uniquely between us
- Think about him in that way and mentally prepare for intimacy similarly to how I might mentally prepare for exercise
- Communicate about intimacy and make it a priority
- Make myself available for intimacy and intiiate more regularly instead of leaving that up to him.
Marriage is a choice. Getting married in the first place is a choice and staying married is yet another choice. I CHOOSE TO STAY MARRIED. Each day I make that choice and make David a priority in my life in thought, feeling and in action.
Here are sample thought models and where they get me in my marriage
Circumstance--Connie married to David
Thought--David is completely annoying
Feeling--annoyed
Actions--I look for all the annoying things he does and I take note of them. I treat him with disrespect as I treat him with annoyance
Result--I AM TOTALLY ANNOYING
INTENTIONAL THOUGHT MODEL
Circumstance--Connie married to David
Thought--I have the perfect husband for me
Feeling--Unconditional Love
Actions--I look for all the reasons he's so perfect for me; I treat him with love and respect
Result--He's the perfect husband for me.
Choosing intentional thoughts that drive my ideal marriage relationship is one way I continue to choose marriage each day of my life.
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