One of the hats I wear is that of Battle of the Bands Chair. I'll never forget a master class the bands had the opportunity to participate in during the final days before the competition. The teacher taught the bands how to perform. "When a band is on stage, it looks like spontaneous dancing and you're wrong. Everything is like a perfectly choreographed dance that has been practiced and memorized"
One of my favorite roles in coaching is that of a confidence coach!
It's true that confidence comes more naturally to some, and I've never had a client who couldn't master confidence with the right training!
The trick is to decide ahead of time how you are going to FEEL and work the model from there!
Example: Client was looking dreading an upcoming date with a boy she'd met online. She says shes always awkward on first dates.
Let's take a look at that model:
Feeling: Awkward
Thought: I'm always awkward on first dates
Situation is nothing more or less than a first date.
With that thought and feeling, client always talks too much, rambles on about herself, spills way too much baggage about her past and...
Her result ends up the same....relationship dies right then and there in a sea of AWKWARD
When I asked her how she wanted to FEEL, she chose confident!
Let's look at how differently this plays out....
Feeling: Confident
Thought: I'm going to have fun no matter what
Situation is the same first date
Only this time, she shows up with some conversation starter questions ready to pull out when conversation lags; she's asks questions; she listens.
The result when she's confident and determined to have fun: She has a great time!
This technique works in every situation. To name a few:
- job interview
- social gatherings
- work events
- dating
- difficult conversations
- weight loss
- relationship problems
- and so much more....
Key Strategies:
- decide ahead of time how you want to FEEL and what you will be THINKING when CONFIDENCE really is your feeling!
- role play (even if it's just in your head)
- close your eyes and visualize how you will show up when you are truly confident
- keep a running list of your strengths!
- stop deflecting compliments from others! Instead notice compliments, consider them, and add them to your running list!
- practice over and over
- never give up
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