DEFINITION of resilient: Able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult circumstances
This definition for RESILIENT PEOPLE found on Google is also golden: Resilient people are aware of situations, their own emotional reactions, and the behavior of those around them. ... By remaining aware, resilient people can maintain control of a situation and think of new ways to tackle problems. Another characteristic of resilience is the understanding that life is full of challenges.
Children are far more resilient than we adults give them credit for!
I was amazed during my last visit to see grandchildren in Maryland how fast three year old Henry could get going on his little balance bike on the hilly trails of Columbia. I'd question my daughter, "Is he going to fall?"
"Not usually, but he gets right back up when he does"
Sure enough she was right! Eventually, I taught him to steer into the grass when he got going too fast so that would slow him down. Truth is, he really was fine!! Even if he took a spill, he'd sipe it off and be right back up again.
Let's be honest, Kayla and Dave made sure to prepare him! He NEVER rides that balance bike without a helmet, denim jeans and thick sneakers! They taught him skills and safety techniques and now, they let him go! Sometimes that involves a pretty good spill. AND THAT'S OKAY!! He has learned to get up and keep going.
Three years old and the kid is smarter than so many parents around and definitely smarter than his grammy!!
My instinct is to coddle, protect and proactively keep him from getting hurt.
SILLY ME!! Life experience is exactly what Henry and every other kid needs to help them become resilient
How do we help?
I think Kayla and Dave and the perfect examples! It's all in the planning! They've armed him with the following gear:
- safety rules
- helmet
- always watch around you
- sneakers-which double as brakes
- accountability
What does that equate to for us?
- Establish clear rules--At our house, we have a rule that all keys must immediately be placed in the key drawer after driving. If you lose them, you don't drive again until they have been found. Kayla and Dave have chore charts for their kids. Certain priviledges are earned only by completing that chart by 9 am. See attached documents for a copy of Henry's chore chart.
- Helmet-the helmet is the rule you don't mess with. It's for the child's safety and non negotiable. With littles it may be something like not leaving the house for the park without a parent. For my teenagers, they don't need to have me with them and they must always tell me where they are going and what they will be doing. NON NEGOTIABLE
- Always watch around you-Henry is able to problem solve in real time by stopping for oncoming cars, navigating into grass when he gets going to fast and using his sneakers for brakes. At three years old, this kid embodies the definition above as a resilient person!! He is aware of situations, his own emotional reactions, and the behavior of those around him. ... By remaining aware, Henry can maintain control of a situation and think of new ways to tackle problems.
- Sneakers- Henry understands that life is full of challenges. It's not about how many times he falls because he can always stand back up again!! He can pick himself up, in fact!!
- Accountability-as a Grammy allowing him the consequences of his actions is the hardest part! This is also one of the most important steps and a parent and a grandparent. When we coddle them and shelter them from the consequences, THAT is when we strip them of their POWER! The message we send is that they can only explore their independence up to the point they may fall. If we step back and allow consequences, they learn the fall is no big deal!!
In short, resilience is learned as people are given the opportunity to experience life-all of it!!
- responsibility-make and carry out a plan
- learn to manage emotions (failure and success)
- having confidence in their abilities and skills
- learning to effectively communicate with other.
The scrapes are no big deal!! They heal
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