When I really need an answer to a problem, I like to look to Christ as an example. Here are a few things I learn from Him.
CHOOSE LOVE
Do you know that love is always an option no matter what? No matter how naughty we are (and I've been pretty naughty sometimes) Christ NEVER WITHDRAWS HIS LOVE. No matter our actions, we are always 100% worthy of His love. Consider for a moment, loving unconditionally isn't a statement of agreeing with all the actions of a person, it's merely a resolution of how you choose to feel about a person independent of their actions.
One of my favorite intentional thoughts about my kids, "I love you no matter what" "I love you and there's nothing you can do about it."
STOP TRYING TO CONTROL AGENCY
We have power over our agency and that's it! With our kids, we can teach, love, and guide, but it is not our job to exercise their agency in their behalf. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we know Satan's plan was to take away our agency and make sure we all returned to our father in heaven. That is not the plan we chose and it's too late to change our minds.
Have faith that the gift of agency is a true principle for all of God's children, including those you parent!!
ALLOW CONSEQUENCES
Leave the exercising of the law of Justice to God. For every action, there is a consequence be it good or bad.
Don't try to shield your children from those consequences.
If they choose to engage in premarital sex, they may become pregnant.
If they use drugs, you may invite the police dogs over to your house or enroll them in rehab, although you cannot force them to stay.
Your real power comes in managing your thoughts!!!
Consider for a moment, you are LDS. You have raised your child in the LDS faith and they choose to leave the church.
Circumstance (which is completely neutral until you have a thought about it: Child removed their name from the records of the church
Your thought: I have failed as a parent
Feeling: Despair
Actions: You criticise your child for their decision to leave; You try to force church attendance, participation in family prayer, etc. You judge them as less worthy for their choices
Results (are always evidence to prove your thought): You are failing as a parent, by not showing up as your best self!!
What if the Circumstace is the same and you choose a different thought!!!!!
Thought: I am the perfect parent to this child
Feeling: Empowered
Actions: You actively love unconditionally; You accept our child exactly the way they are right now, no changes required; You leave the law of justice to God; You are available to listen without judgement.
Results: You are exactly the parent that child needs!!!
Everything about the situation has changed without anyone else changing a thing!! Your child gets to be on their own journey and exercise their agency and you get to exercise yours!!!
NEVER STOP LOVING!!
Love is always an option NO MATTER WHAT!! Good behaviour doesn't render someone loveable! The mere fact that they exist in this world makes them worthy of our unconditional love. Honestly loving others is actually a gift to yourself!
LOVE always feels better than despair, frustration or hopelessness.
Remember--As much as you love your children, God loves them more!!
Of all the parents in this world, HE CHOSE TO SEND THEM TO YOU!!
He didn't send us here to fail. He sent us to progress!!
Life isn't about perfection, it's about progress. We are all progressing through our journey at the exact pace we are ready to accept.
Comments